I’m back to the topic of friendships. The power of friendships….
I just read a great article. (http://bit.ly/1nGa3Y7) It is called TRANSFORMATION AND TRANSCENDENCE: THE POWER OF FEMALE FRIENDSHIP. (Authored by Emily Rapp) It has moved me to write this post…It happens to be about woman friendships, but I believe these same bonds, can indeed be between men, and men and woman. As I enter what is my wedding Anniversary day, I feel confident in saying, I KNOW it can be between a woman and man. A husband and a wife….
One of the take aways from the writing I am referring to is – “…that it’s possible to transcend the limits of your skin in a friendship. That a friend can take you out of the boxes you’ve made for yourself and burn them up. This kind of friendship is not a frivolous connection, a supplementary relationship to the ones we’re taught and told are primary – spouses, children, parents. It is love.”
I am also thinking of my dear friend, Deidre. She is ravaged with a horrific battle of her body and organs-mercilessly. It is very painful, for her I am sure, her husband, as well as us watching from the sidelines. For me it brings up many of the issues of losing a loved one. Many of you know, but I suppose not all of you know, that I lost my husband, to a brain aneurism in 2012. I believe this may be the first time I have actually said those words on this blog. It has certainly been a journey that without friends (I include my family in as my friends) I would be much worse for the wear. I think about love, life, lose, friendships, life again, and trying to remember what is really the important stuff verses the “non-essential” quite a bit. It usually comes down to people first, friendships and love. Naturally ones needs things like money and a home etc-I know and acknowledge that as well. There is no question that money makes many things easier. (But that’s a whole different blog post for another time!) The above mentioned reading is primarily about 3 woman, who quietly and consistently tried to help the world and others for over 20 years. They were working out of Geneva “…to assist people in real need in countries around the world…. Together. They understood, together, as friends, and apart, as individuals in the world, the urgency of compassion, and that it often goes unnoticed but that this doesn’t make it any less important or vital or difficult to sustain and cultivate. And they also understood that you could try as hard as you possibly could, and disaster could still strike – mercilessly. Without warning, without fairness, and with fatal consequences.” I am drawn in by the words and thoughts of “compassion” and the concepts that sometimes “disaster strikes- mercilessly.” I have recently been thinking about what I am calling strong/tough hearted people vrs soft hearted ones, the concepts and realities of empathy, compassion, and love…. A friend said to me something along the lines of-“It would be so much easier for you at times if you weren’t so soft hearted, but then again, that is what makes you YOU.” I completely agree, I think it was actually a lovely compliment, and I wouldn’t trade my sometimes pain for a harder heart, but man oh man, sometimes a heart shield sure would make things a bit easier! Thank you and Thank Goodness to my friends who have indeed picked me up and helped me stay together when needed, and as if by magic, have been there when called upon. I hope I provide the same for them.
“Support, salvation, transformation, life: this is what women ( My note- woman and or men) give to one another when they are true friends, soul friends, what the Irish call anam cara. It’s what the Wrinklies (you will have to read the piece to understand this reference) did for one another, what the French resistance fighters in Auschwitz did for one another, what women (friends) do for one another in real relationships with real consequences in real time, every day, what my friends do for me. We help one another other live and sometimes, we watch – and help – one another die. It happens in movies, sure, but it also happens every day, in real life – now, tomorrow, yesterday. It is transformative and transcendent. It is real. It is love.”
Here’s a toast to transformative and transcendent. Friendships. Life. Love. To all my friends. Clink the glasses now.